My bizarre reaction to grief
When I hear really bad news for the first time, usually my first reaction is to laugh or smile. I’ve never understood why this is.
I was standing in the front of the grocery store in an emergency meeting when I found out that my boss of 3 years, Dave Clarke, had passed away in a tragic scuba accident. His two best friends came in to tell the staff, and I can remember standing there trying not to smile. Same reaction when I heard that my Grandmother was in a really bad car accident.
Has anyone heard of this before? Upon searching for answers, I came across this:
Denial, the first stage of Grief according to the Kübler-Ross model
Denial is a defense mechanism postulated by Sigmund Freud, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence.
Could my first response to grief be denial in the form of implying the fact is a joke? Discuss.
Man, that day at the grocery store was one of the hardest days of my life. It was one week before I was done at the K, and I remember feeling guilt for leaving, like I was abandoning ship.
Yeah, and from there on things just weren’t the same in the store… I used to look forward to 7 or 8pm when he’d come in the store with his Magoo glasses on and rosy cheeks and say “HEY BUDDY, HOW ARE YOU” and then walk away as you were replying… hehe. good memories
Hearing bad news, unless otherwise anticipated is always unbelievable at first. Even eye-witnessing a bad event is almost like you’re watching a movie right before your eyes. Oftentimes, when my little baby brother has almost fallen off high edges or reaches for the knife, there’s a small time lapse of a few nanoseconds where you just stare— registering the event in your brain along with processing the reality of it before you actually take action and do something. It’s like you take a moment to fight with the facts of the reality you’re seeing.
I remember an English teacher I had in secondary school that had this exact same problem. She would have nervous laughter at funerals and upon hearing tragic news. I personally can’t relate because I’m the guy who never used to laugh after being told off by a teacher at school… I really took it to heart.
I do that sometimes, its just out of disbelief and I just think that people are joking. It makes me feel bad when I think about it later though.
I do exactly the same thing! It can be really inappropriate, and I always feel guilty afterwards. I also do it when I get scared, maybe not to show weakness? Are you the same?
It is a coping mechanism. A similar thing happens when a big disaster like an earth quake occurs. Immediately jokes about the situation starts to circulate. Some people needs humour to cope with grief.
I have this. I was the only person out about 300 not crying at a friends funeral a few months back. When I found out my IT teacher (who turned my computing education round) had passed away I instinctively smiled. It’s awful and I’m glad I’m not the only one!
well i have the same. and i dislike it about myself so much, as I get in really embarrasing moments
as well i tend to lough during verbal fights and in uncomfortable situations. That IS just a defence mechanism