L to R: Kristen, Amy, Kim

Now that we’re older, paired off and live 4000km+ away from each other, there’s no harm in posting these things…….. right?

Paired with the fact that we were older than a flood of our younger cousins, we have always thought ourselves so mature. Our friendship was exclusive and not extended to our ‘annoying’ younger cousins (sorry, guys! haha). We dubbed ourselves The Three Musketeers so long ago that I can’t remember and, to this day, still sign all of our emails with our awesome secret code names.

Us in our new flannel nightgowns from Grandma

When the entire family was gathered, we would sneak away and sit on our own, which, with a large family like ours, usually meant a cold storage room or empty bathroom. When the younger ones found us, we would come up with excuses and games to get them away from us until one would cry to their mom that we were excluding them.

We once put all the younger ones in grandma’s bath tub and turned the lights off, telling them that they were on a magic carpet ride. [I suppose this dates the event post 1992.] They had to stay in the bath tub and close their eyes, or else they would fall off Aladdin’s carpet and be excluded from the experience. We took this opportunity to slowly sneak out of the bathroom one by one, leaving them to squeals of delight for a little while until one of them peeked.

Grandma Joy would host sleepovers for us every once in a while and we would relish in the opportunity to hang out, just the three of us. It was such a treat – dinner at Wendy’s followed by a nice swim, some Little House on the Prairie, leave-in hair curlers and then sleeping bags in the lounge. When we played mermaids in the pool, we all got to be Ariel because it had to be fair. Who wanted to be Ursula, anyways?! Kim was the best at this and came up with the most elaborate story lines. It would figure that she went on to pursue an English degree!

Late at night, after being hushed a million times for her incessant witch cackle of a laugh, Kristen would convince us that we should make breakfast in bed for Grandma to make up for it. Kim and I heartily agreed and the three of us would stumble through what was likely a terrible excuse for poached eggs & toast at 6am, just to surprise her. Grandma later told me that she didn’t like breakfast in bed because we would just sit there, watching her eat and keep asking if she liked it. Can we say AWKWARD!

Another pastime of ours was making up dances to songs that we liked. Kristen knows that there is an embarrassing lip synching video of us somewhere! Once, at Kim’s summer cottage, we got in trouble for dancing to a Spice Girls song (our families are religious). It was worth the lecture about secular music, though. It was also the first time I ever wore mascara!

Speaking of makeup, Kim was the first to be allowed to wear it, so we’d ALWAYS do makeovers at her house. She always seemed so naturally glamourous to me, though, and I envied her having two older sisters. Sometimes we’d get lucky and Kristy (Kim’s older sister) would help. If Kathy (Kim’s other older sister) wasn’t at home, we would most definitely try on all her platform shoes.

Amy and Kim, skating on the Mill Pond in Dorchester. Snapped in a rare moment when we weren't shovelling our own private rink and having Lincoln the dog pull us around it.

Kristen and I bonded over crafty things like scarves and making anonymous ransom-style letters to each other. We’d cut out all the letters from magazines and everything. Then, to convince each others’ parents we had secret admirers, we’d put on the back of the envelope “SWAK” alongside a lip print. Honestly. Once Kristen even accompanied this with a return address. I used to bust her chops about not spending as much time on my letters as I did on hers. I needed her letters to be longer because I was “a really fast reader”.

I realize that this blog post means little to those who don’t know the three of us, but I just wanted to publicly express how much their friendship has meant to me over the years.

Here are some other things that might stir up memories with you guys:

• Kraft Dinner x 2093245234
• Kim doesn’t like Amy Grant, oh no!
• Touching Lincoln the dog in such a way that he couldn’t stand it and wanted to bite your finger off
• A surprise visit at Northwinds
• New Year’s Eve with string lights and wigs
• Jumping on the trampoline
• That one time at my old apartment, probably the last time we were all together
• Licking our breakfast plates clean to get a sucker
• I sat on your hampster
• Hiding in the treehouse and talking about boys
• Making rock forts at Northwinds

And to my seemingly annoying little cousins, I love you guys too.

See you all at Christmas, I hope!

Yours truly,

TMAM

*wipes a few homesick tears*

You, Me and Mom

Remember how you always said that my tastes would change? You used to love your tomato sandwiches and I never understood how you could like them on their own! I declared that I would never like tomatoes, but guess what–I do! I now know what you meant when you said there was nothing better than a fresh tomato sandwich with cheese and lettuce.

I know, I know – you disapprove of my “Joy” tattoo. I am just decorating my temple! If I were telling you this in person, you’d say “Oh Amy” in a disapproving tone. But you couldn’t stay mad at me for long. Then I would make dumb jokes about pop culture to wind you up. I’d probably tease you about Harry Potter and you’d say it’s evil stuff. Then I’d try to convince you to read one!

I have inherited something from you. Singing Tourette’s! If somebody mentions something that reminds me of a song I know, I’ll burst out into song. Sometimes I don’t even know that I’m doing it – just like you.

You always said to be good to my mother and that she’d be my best friend someday. I used to be pretty horrible to her sometimes and I always thought it was annoying when you said it, but it’s becoming more and more true. I find myself emulating her all the time. You learn a lot from your mother and mine had a good teacher!

We didn't know it had a steep drop, but our reactions were great!

The other day I was putting mascara on and I remembered the first time I ever used it. It was before church, at your apartment. I must have been about 12. You taught me how to use the wand and I put an undetectable amount of mascara on but I felt like a princess nonetheless!

Those were the best, the lazy Sunday afternoons at your apartment. I’d go with you to Swiss Chalet after church and then we’d relax at your apartment. I’d help myself to your gumball machine and the vintage toys you had and you’d do a crossword puzzle. Then we’d go for a swim and watch Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman or Touched by an Angel. Afterwards you’d blow-dry my hair and tell me about how your mom used to do your hair in ringlets. Then you’d make me a simple dinner of poached eggs on toast with tea and honey.

I think of you every time I fold a fitted sheet, eat pickles and cheese, hear a Scottish accent or see a mountain landscape painting.

I miss you lots.

Love,
Amy

Age: 5 years old
Humiliation Score: 2/5
Location: shopping mall
My mom never used to take me to the mall because I would do all the normal child things: hide and seek in the clothes racks, stand on the end of the shopping cart, whine about wanting treats or to go on the mini-carousel rides. This particular time, my mom and I were on the down escalator, and I had decided to sit whilst I waited for it to descend. Somewhere near the bottom, my mom noticed and grabbed my hand, but by that point my dress got caught in the escalator and a whole group of teenagers snickered at me.

Age: 17 years old
Humiliation Score: 4.5/5
Location: The small town grocery store, where I worked as a cashier
This woman that my parents knew and who knew me came through my check out line. She was a plump brunette woman and had two daughters with her who were helping carry the groceries. She asked how my parents were and what I was doing that summer. I responded politely and asked if she had summer plans. She mentioned that she had the summer off, so I inquired, “Oh, are you a teacher?” to which she replied “No, I’m 8 months pregnant – I’ll be on maternity leave.” I hadn’t even noticed she was pregnant! The next time she came in to my work, I didn’t want to ask about the baby in case it was still unborn! The woman said to me “So, I had a baby boy,” in a tone that hinted she knew what I was thinking. I felt so bad!

Age: 15-16 years old
Humiliation Score: 4.5/5
Location: Internetland
My best friend Meagan and I were IMing with our friend Simon, whom we both happened to have a crush on at the time. We ended up having a keyboard war and she accidently hit CTRL + V and I hit CTRL + Enter right after, which pasted my most recent journal entry and sent it to him. The entry went into humiliating detail about my crush on him and made working with him the next day really awkward! [Pat, I know you're going to comment on this one!]

Age: 20 years old
Humiliation Score: 2/5
Location: Residence at Humber College in Toronto
One day after having a shower, I returned to my dorm room to find my crappy 13″ TV missing! I ended up reporting the missing TV to Residence Security over the phone as I stood in my room in my towel and ended up going down to the front desk to report the missing TV in person and ask for a new room key. My friends burst out laughing behind me – they had hidden my TV as a joke!

Age: 8 years old
Humiliation Score: 2/5
Location: Photography Studio
We were getting family portraits taken to surprise my grandmother with on Christmas Day. I have 11 cousins – some older, some younger than I and they were all there. When it came time for the photo of my brothers and I, the photographer said “Say ‘I hate cheese!’” to prompt us for the photo. I yelled “I hate YOUUUUU!” which made everyone feel awkward for a moment or two.

Age: 10
Humiliation Score: 3.5/5
Location: School bus
For some strange reason, I decided to wear a shirt and tie on my first day of school in fifth grade.  But not a cute girly shirt and tie- my dad’s shirt and tie!  The clothes swam on me and given the bizarre fashion choice I had a few kids approach me and say mean things

Age: 9 years old
Humiliation Score: 3/5
Location: Classroom at school
We were doing some sort of comparison graph in school that would plot everyone’s weight and height. We knew about this a day in advance and I was really upset about it as I had just gone through a growth spurt and was taller than all the boys. I was weight-conscious even at that age! My mom wrote my teacher a note excusing me from the exercise, and when I handed my teacher the note, he read it out loud: “Mr. Carrol – Amy is uptight about getting weighed.” The whole class heard him read it and I ended up having to get weighed in front of everyone anyways.